A Ritzy Food-Dispensing Establishment Operating Since Earlier This Month

"Hote Quisine For Those With Sofisticated Tastes..."

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On Our Menu - The Daily Specials:

Breakfast Items -

     Blackened Olive, Hotdog, Pickle, And Whipped-Cream Omelet, Served On A Towel

     Kettle-Poached Eggs, Topped With Applesauce And Sprinkled With Cayenne Pepper

     One Upright-Toasted Egg (Difficult, But We Have A Toaster That Can Do It!)

Lunch and Dinner Appetizers -

     Deep Fried Water, Served On A Bed Of Fresh Potato Peels

     Dill Pickle On A Stick, Dipped In Caramel

     Popcorn And Canned Corn Patties, Ketchup Soaked, Placed Directly On Your Table

     Chocolate Covered Ice Cubes, Three, Served On A Bed Of Cookie Crumbs

     Toad Broth, With Tender Toll-House Dumplings

     Soup Of Raw Whole Peas In Milk, Served Lukewarm, With Garlic-Ketchup Croutons

Soups And Salads -

     Salad Of Aged Lettuce And Tangy Soft Tomatoes, With Limburger Cheese Dressing

     Swizzle-Stick Salad, With A Choice Of Creamed Hot Pepper Or Shaved-Ice Dressings

     Sliced Turnip Salad With Piquant Hobgoblin Pieces And A Creamy Ectoplasm Dressing

     Dixelsyc Fesrh-Velabtege Soup, Served On A Platter With Ketchup Swirls

     Warm Cream Of Cookie Soup, Garnished With Licorice Drops

     Tomato Juice Soup, Hot, Garnished With Walnuts, Raisins, And Swirls Of Grape Jam

Lunch Main Courses -

     Squid Hash, Browned To A Crisp And Served In A Cup Of Cool Water

     Fish And Chimps (Please Note The Spelling So That There Are No Misunderstandings!)

     Burger Patty, Steamed, Topped With Marmalade And Served On A Graham Cracker

     Frog Skirt Steak Dumplings, Five, In Various Bright Colors

     Heron Salad Sandwiches, Two, With Cold Marshmallow-Seaweed Soup On The Side

     Bacon, Cabbage, And Potato Sandwiches, Two, Served Drowned With Maple Syrup

     Oatmeal And Onion Sub Topped With Aged Limburger Cheese, Heated To Perfection!
          ("Sub" = Submarine - Hoagie - Hero - Grinder - Po Boy - Torpedo...)

Dinner Main Courses -

     Rat Ratatouie, Made With Ingredients From Our Own Kitchen!

     Colorful Aged Beef, Boiled To Order (Our House Namesake And Specialty)

     Beluga Whale Mini Sandwiches ("Bam-Bams"), Thirty-Seven, Dipped In Warm Cream

     Whole Fried Chicken, Standing In Spinach Sauce (Difficult To Prepare, But We Do It!)

     Julienned Vegetarian Moose Antlers, Steamed And Served On A Bed Of Wood Chips

     Fried Breaded Fish Balls, Served In A Bowl Of Cool Country-Fresh Milk

Side Dishes -

     Boiled French Fries, Served On A Bed Of Small Paper Napkins

     Creamy Mashed Potatoes, Decoratively Served In An Open-Weave Basket

     Your Choice Of Flied Rice Or Fried Lice, Also Served In A Basket

     Creamed Corn, Mashed Carrot, And Canned Pea Medley, Served In A Big Waffle Cone

     Kidney Beans, Two Dozen, Served Fresh And Crisp On A Plate

Bread -

     Served With Some Of Our Meals, Carefully Aged For Peak Of Color And Texture

Deserts -

     Anchovy Right Side Up Cake, Served With A Refreshing Cod Liver Oil Sauce

     Twinkie And Jell-O Compote, Boiled To Your Specification

     Apple Brown Baddy, Baked Until Extremely Hard And Crunchy

     Cigarette-Flavored Ice Cream, With Bubble Gum Topping (Dill Slices Optional)

     Eggplant Shortbread, Served Topped With Whipped Lard And A Maraschino Raisin

Beverages -

     Two Percent Chocolate Milk, With Your Choice Of Small Or Large Curds

     Breaded Iced Tea, Served With An Onion Slice With Several Peppercorns On Top

     Kiwi Coke, Boiled For Your Safety And Served Piping Hot

     A Tall Glass Of Iced Beef Gravy, With Marmalade And Whipped Cream On Top

     A Cool Glass Of Chocolate Syrup, Topped With A Zesty Dollop Of Mayonnaise

     Kool-Aid Ice Cubes, Left In A Bowl On Your Table Until Drinkable

     A Broasted Cranapple-Papaya Slushie, Served Soaked Into Your Napkin

     Delicious Chlorinated Tap Water, Served At Room Temperature

Bon Appetite!

Dining Reservations Are Suggested

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