A Ritzy Food-Dispensing Establishment Operating Since Earlier This Month

"Hote Quisine For Those With Sofisticated Tastes..."

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On Our Menu - The Daily Specials:

Appetizers -

     Deep Fried Water, Served On A Bed Of Fresh Potato Peels

     Dill Pickle On A Stick, Dipped In Caramel

     Chocolate Covered Ice Cubes, Three, Served On A Bed Of Cookie Crumbs

     Toad Broth, With Tender Toll-House Dumplings

     Soup Of Raw Whole Peas In Milk, Served Lukewarm, With Garlic-Ketchup Croutons

Main Courses -

     Squid Hash

     Fish And Chimps

     Burger Patty, Steamed, Topped With Marmalade And Served On A Graham Cracker

     Rat Ratatouie, Made With Ingredients From Our Own Sources!

     Colorful Aged Beef, Boiled To Order (Our House Namesake And Specialty)

     Whole Fried Chicken, Standing In Spinach Sauce (Difficult To Prepare, But We Do It!)

     Julienned Vegetarian Moose Antlers, Steamed And Served On A Bed Of Wood Chips

     Bacon, Cabbage, And Potato Sandwiches, Two, Served Drowned With Maple Syrup

     Oatmeal And Onion Sub Topped With Aged Limburger Cheese, Heated To Perfection!
          ("Sub" = Submarine - Hoagie - Hero - Grinder - Po Boy - Torpedo...)

Side Dishes -

     Boiled French Fries, Served On A Bed Of Small Paper Napkins

     Creamy Mashed Potatoes, Served In A Basket

     Your Choice Of Flied Rice Or Fried Lice, Also Served In A Basket

     Creamed Corn, Mashed Carrot, And Canned Pea Medley, Served In A Big Waffle Cone

     Kidney Beans, Two Dozen, Served Fresh And Crisp On A Plate

     Swizzle-Stick Salad, With A Choice Of Creamed Hot Pepper Or Shaved-Ice Dressings

     Sliced Turnip Salad With Piquant Hobgoblin Pieces And A Creamy Ectoplasm Dressing

Bread -

     Served With Some Of Our Meals, Carefully Aged For Peak Of Color And Texture

Deserts -

     Anchovy Right Side Up Cake, Served With A Refreshing Cod Liver Oil Sauce

     Twinkie And Jell-O Compote, Boiled To Your Specification

     Apple Brown Baddy, Baked Until Extremely Hard And Crunchy

     Cigarette-Flavored Ice Cream, With Bubble Gum Topping (Dill Slices Optional)

     Eggplant Shortbread, Served Topped With Whipped Lard And A Maraschino Raisin

Beverages -

     Two Percent Chocolate Milk, With Your Choice Of Small Or Large Curds

     Breaded Iced Tea, Served With An Onion Slice

     Kiwi Coke, Boiled For Your Safety And Served Piping Hot

     Kool-Aid Ice Cubes, Left In A Bowl On Your Table Until Drinkable

     Delicious Chlorinated Tap Water, Served At Room Temperature

Bon Appetite!

Dining Reservations Are Suggested

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